To misquote Percy Bysshe Shelley: “Poets are the unacknowledged chair umpires of the world.” At least they are at Wimbledon, the only Major tournament with a poet on payroll (though I’m sure a search committee’s being formed at Roland Garros as I type this.)

The plum assignment goes to one Matt Harvey (above), who will be blogging from the All England Club and entertaining the queue with spoken verse during the fortnight. Via The Sydney Morning Herald:

He has already penned his first poem as Championships Poet 2010, called “Grandest of Slams,” which starts:

“Excuse me. I’m sorry. I speak as an Englishman

“For the game of lawn tennis there’s no better symbol than Wimbledon.”

You can read the rest of the poem here.

Is that the best you got, Matty boy? Just look at what I created with 30 minutes to spare and a sangria buzz.

Ferrer
Oh what a difference a d
and an e
in place of an r
Would make.

Fernando Verdasco
a comparison to Tabasco
would be cliche, so?
It still works for me.

Roger Federer
The Wimby poet thinks etcetera
Vince Spadea says predator
I say betterer hairier

Rafael Nadal
Rrrrrrr-a-Fah Nuh-dal
Rah-Fay-El Nah-Doll
Pick one, Brad Gilbert

Aravane Rezai
A name to make poets cry
But nothing gets me
like Potito Starace

Serena Williams is the No. 1 queen
of tennis court, red carpet, nail salon
Don’t call her Justine
but the future Mrs. Common

Maria Sharapova,
I’m sorry to tell ya
Your Cole Haan shoes
Pinch my feet
Your chocolate chip cookie recipe
stinks
But Dolce is cute
Cuter than Sasha, imho.
Jealous? Who, me?

Here comes a limerick:

Andy Murray is under such pressure
To win the trophy his countrymen treasure
And to add to the stress
from fans and the press
This year Queen Elizabeth has a debenture

A haiku:

Passing birds proclaim
Mohammad Layhani is
Tops in the ump’s chair

Feel free to contribute your own works of literary genius below. Matt Harvey could get assigned an epic poem featuring Andy Murray as Byronic hero and Wimbledon will turn to us for the dirty limericks and acrostics. I work for groundspasses and Pimm’s.