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celebrity marat 1 THE LUST REPORT

Fine, I admit it, I’m still not over Marat Safin. Last night’s match against Marcos was fun, if not scintillating (their games are too similar to make for a real thriller). Safin lost (of course), but he kept it close. I really didn’t think he had those two sets in him. I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself, so I’ll go ahead and say it: Safin’s on the comeback cusp! The smoldering Hernan Gumy is somehow motivating his failed mountaineer to scale the heights of his sport one more time. I smell a good showing at Indian Wells or Miami.

I love how the first real oogling of a male player comes from the male commentators. Mary Joe and Pam don’t dare drool over the fine male specimens on the court, but Cliff and Darren launched right into Safin worship. Cliffie started fantasizing about Marat-the-dashing-secret-agent and Darren claimed that his wife calls Safin the “big sexy Russian.” Darren, you don’t have to pass it off on your spouse, your masculinity’s safe with us! This helps prove my theory that no matter how straight and jocky the dudes, they just can’t resist the big hunk of manly beefcake that is Marat Safin. Maybe it’s a Russian thang – I, for one, have a huge crush on Elena Dementieva (who’s quietly making her way through the tournament – yay!)
BIG THANKS to my co-worker Marty “Party” C. for providing this hilarious study of our favorite ATP players’ “sex faces.” Awesome stuff (what, no Stepanek?)

Complaint file (God, I’m grouchy):

Don’t you hate it when it’s deep in the fourth set and the commentators bring up stats like “Safin’s never come back from two sets down”? It totally kills the excitement.

Thanks Marat, for getting the memo and wearing a different shirt from Baggy. But why did it have to be irradiated green? Sometimes I feel like he’s stuck with the “big and tall” selection.

 

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